


Quiet

by OreoLuvr13



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi - Freeform, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, post-episode, s18e11 Great Expectations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 09:26:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15264432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OreoLuvr13/pseuds/OreoLuvr13
Summary: Sonny is quiet. Sonny and quiet does not go together. It's just not right, not natural. Barba is going to get to the bottom of this. A Barisi Post-Episode fic that takes place after episode 18.11-Great Expectations.





	Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> HI all! Here's a little Barisi post-episode fic that i just needed to write. Just a disclaimer, I don't work in the mental health profession and a lot of what Barba says to Sonny is what I believe and has helped me overcome the bullying I experienced as a kid. That being said, this does discuss childhood bullying and assault, so if this is triggery for you please take note.

“So where do we go from here?”

“Does Buchanan actually have a leg to stand on with his Motion to Dismiss?”

“Barba?”

“HELLO! Earth to Barba? You listening to me?”

Rafael jerks his attention away from the bullpen and back to Liv. They’re sitting in Liv’s office dealing with ridiculous of the Johnny Kent case. What started as a simple open and shut case has quickly morphed into a clusterfuck once the ridiculously wealthy parents of Johnny Kent hired John Buchanan to clean up their son’s “mess.” Unfortunately, for Barba and SVU that entails Buchanan filing several and more often than not asinine motions. 

Hence why Barba is presently in Liv’s office. He may be there physically, but mentally his attention is elsewhere. His attention is focused on someone else. On a particularly tall, lanky, and way too attractive detective by the name of Dominick “Sonny” Carisi.

“Rafa?” Liv asks with a bit of concern in her voice. From her tone it sounds like she’s been trying to get his attention for a while now.

He turns to the lieutenant. “Sorry, Liv. What were you saying?”

She rolls her eyes. “I asked if you thought Buchanan’s Motion to Dismiss had any merit.”

Rafael raises an eyebrow. She did? He totally didn’t hear her.

“I did.” She replies softly. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” he answers quickly. Too quickly.

Benson looks away from him and out the window to her squad. To where Rafael was looking just a minute ago. Her tone softens when she sees the hunched shoulders of the newest addition to the unit. “What’s going on with Carisi?”

Rafael shrugs his shoulders. Not because he’s being an ass but because he legitimately does not know. All he knows is he came home to a quiet Sonny already in bed the night before. After climbing into bed, the younger man turned towards him and tucked himself into Rafael’s side. He didn’t ask Rafael how his day was like he usually does. Rafael asked him about his, in a near whisper Sonny said his was rough. When Rafael tried to pry more out of him, Sonny said that he was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. Taking that as his cue to shut up, Rafael didn’t say anything else as he continued running his hand up and down Sonny’s side as they both drifted off to sleep.

Sonny’s behavior earlier this morning only seemed to cement the fact that there’s something definitely bothering him. That last night’s near silence wasn’t just the end result of a long and exhausting day at SVU. The eerie quietness of last night rolled into this morning without pause. Sonny didn’t make a single comment when Rafael for once made the coffee while Sonny took a much longer than usual shower. When Rafael made a sarcastic, but no worse than his usual snarky comment about having to make the awful trek out to Staten Island the upcoming Sunday for Bella’s birthday dinner, Sonny didn’t respond. Not with his typical smirk and a “you know you love it, Rafi ”or even an eye roll.

When Rafael asked him if he was okay just as he was about to leave, Sonny gave him a small, sad smile “I’m fine, just tired” and kissed Rafael chastely on the cheek. Yeah, that didn’t worry him at all. Fine his ass. He usually has to fight off Sonny’s grabby hands early in the morning. More often than not the detective is the main reason why Rafael is late in the morning nowadays.

Sonny’s odd behavior didn’t cease when Rafael walked into the squad room earlier that morning to find Sonny looking off into space, attention obviously elsewhere and not on the pile of paperwork in front of him. Even more disconcerting was when Sonny finally did make eye contact with him, he all too quickly looked away. The look on Rollins’ face, one of an equal mix of concern and confusion, told Barba that he’s not the only one who noticed that Sonny was off today. 

“What did you do? Did you and Carisi get into a fight?” Liv asks.

He looks at his friend incredulously.”Me? Why do you automatically assume that I must have done something whenever Son-Carisi looks like a kicked puppy?”

Benson doesn’t appear to be fazed by his little outburst. “Well, did you?”

Rafael stands up and starts pacing the small space in Liv’s office. “Much to your shock, no I didn’t do anything. He’s been…quiet.”

“Quiet?” Liv asks.

“Yeah, quiet.” Rafael says rudely as if that little phrase should explain it all. “I mean one thing you can say about Carisi is that he’s not quiet. Ever. He’s been acting strange since last night.”

“Something with his family?”

Rafael shakes his head. “I haven’t heard anything.”

And he’s pretty damn sure he would have heard if Sonny’s sudden dark mood was the result of Carisi family drama. Much to his horror he’s in several group texts with various members of the Carisi family. He knows way too much about Bella’s daughter’s newest milestone, Gina’s latest relationship, and that under no circumstances is Cousin Vicky to be invited to an event with an open bar.

“So if it doesn’t have anything to do with you or his family, I say it probably has to do with work.”

“With detective skills like that, I can see why you made lieutenant.”

To her credit, she doesn’t let her friend’s jab bother her. She knows him too well. “Well there have been no trials and nothing new since we closed out the Turner case.”

“It started last night.”

“Yesterday?” Liv asks more to herself. “So maybe it does have something to do with Kyle Turner?”

“The hockey case?” Rafael asks.

“Yeah. Abused kid assaulted his teammate with a hockey stick,” Liv explains. “The victim ended up dying from an infection from his injuries.”

Rafael Is silent as Liv continues. “I was with Carisi when he interrogated the kid. We were trying to get him to disclose that his father told him to hurt the victim. Sonny talked about how he was picked on when he was a kid How the worst kid put his face through a plate glass window. When adults asked him who did it, he wouldn’t turn the kid in. Bobby Bianchi. And years later the same kid stabbed someone to death and is doing time in Sing Sing. That he thinks if he said something back when he was a kid, then maybe they guy might still be alive.”

Rafael stands in front of Liv’s desk horrified. He knows that detectives tell stories all the time in an attempt to connect with a suspect, get them to open up. That’s what this is. Just a story. There’s no way this happened to Sonny. His Sonny. But he has to make sure.

“Was this just a story? I mean you guys do that all the time. Tell a story, get the perp to open up. They tell you all their darkest secrets.”  
Liv shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

Damn it. He doesn’t like what Liv is implying. What she isn’t saying.

“What is your gut telling you? Was what Sonny told the kid just a story to get the kid to turn on his father? Or did it actually happen?”

Liv sighs. “I hope it’s just a story. But…”

“But what?”

“Carisi took this case hard. Personally.”

Rafael rubs his chin tiredly as he turns his attention back to the bullpen, to where Sonny is sitting at his desk. It wasn’t just a story. It actually happened. And what’s hurts even worse is that Sonny didn’t feel like he could tell him.“Damn it.”

Benson moves to stand beside him. “What are you going to do?”

Rafael sighs. As much as he wants to do something right now. Whisk Sonny off to the break room and reassure him that the asshole Bobby Bianchi can never hurt him again. That what the little shit did, wasn’t his fault. But, he knows he can’t. Not with a squad room full of people. Up until now they’ve been careful to keep their relationship away from the peering eyes of their co-workers as much as possible A momentary lapse in judgment revealing their personal relationship is the last thing they, but more so Sonny should be worrying about right now. 

“I can’t do anything about Sonny right now. I’ll deal with it later.” His mind quickly switches gear. He has work to do. “Let’s get back to this mess with Kent.”

Liv gives him a small as she moves to return to her seat behind her desk. “Okay, then. So what exactly is he trying to preclude?”

Rafael gives Sonny one last look before he returns to his own seat.

XXX

Nearly two hours later, Rafael leaves Benson’s office with a new game plan on how to deal with Buchanan and Kent. With one crisis averted, it’s onto the second one. The more pressing and in his eyes more important. He looks around the bullpen but doesn’t see Sonny.

“He went to get coffee,” Rollins says not looking up from her desk.

“Coffee? It’s almost lunch,” Rafael replies as he looks at his watch.

“Uh huh. He said he wasn’t hungry. I even suggested that place he likes on Bleaker. Turned me down, said that he just needed coffee.”

“He turned down Maria’s?” Rafael asks.

Rollins looks up. “Yep.” Emphasis on the p. Great, she thinks he did something to Sonny too.

“Not you too. Like I told Benson, this wasn’t me.”

“I didn’t say it was. The Hunter case kinda messed with his head, I think.”

Rafael nods his head. “Yeah, Benson told me about the story he told. About Bobby Bianchi. It wasn’t a story though, was it?”

Rollins leans back in her chair. “I asked him if it was and he didn’t say no. He didn’t say yes either. But, it wasn’t just that. He mentioned how it can be a lot harder than it seems to do the right thing. Sounded pretty torn up. You really didn't know anything about this?"

No he didn’t. That truth be told, Rafael knows about the trophies, the stories behind the pictures that adorn the walls at Sonny’s parents house. He’s heard the anecdotes that Sonny’s sisters love to tell much to their brother’s embarrassment. But, no he never heard about this.

“I take that as a no.” Rollins says quietly. It’s not an incrimination on his part, just a sad admittance of the facts.

“Well, you do now. So are you going to do something about it?” Rollins asks.

“I’m working on it,” Rafael turns to leave, but he stops and turns around. “Keep an eye on him, will you.”

He should have known she would return his request with a shit eating grin. “Careful, Barba. People might think you have a heart if you keep this up.”

He rolls his eyes and dismisses her with a wave of his hand as he leaves. He waits until he’s on the street before he makes a call.

“Carmen…How busy are you…Okay…That can wait…I need you to do some research for me…This is for me, not the office…I’ll pay you for it…I need you to find everything you can about a Bobby Bianchi…Grew up in Staten Island and is now doing time in Sing Sing.”

XXX

The soft tones of the television greet Rafael when he enters their apartment later that night. 

“Sonny?”

No answer. Rafael takes off his coat and places it in the closet. He enters the living room to the television playing some documentary, with a sleeping Sonny laying on the couch. With Sonny lying still, Rafael fights the urge to look for any scars that might be there. That he never noticed before. But, he won’t. If he did, it means that he’s looking for something less than perfect and that is exactly what Sonny is, perfect. Instead, he runs a thumb over Sonny’s cheek bone.

Sonny instantly jerks awake, his eyes slowly opening to half slits. “Rafi?”

“Sorry, I woke you,” Rafael apologizes.

“It’s okay,” Sonny says as he moves to make room on the couch for the other man. Rafael joins him and soon has Sonny wrapped up in his arms, Sonny’s head pressed snuggly into the crook of the other man’s neck. 

Rafael kisses a particularly wayward curl on Sonny’s head almost as if bracing himself for what he’s about to ask. “It wasn’t just a story was it?”

Sonny doesn’t look at him and instead is playing with Rafael’s tie. His voice cracks as he quietly answers no.

Rafael is expecting it, but it doesn’t make hearing it any easier. He’s known that it was true from the second the story left Liv’s mouth. It all fit. The case. The story. The way Sonny has been acting. But hearing Sonny admitting that it really happened still hurts. Makes it all the more real.

He wanted to head up to Sing Sing for most of the afternoon to punch that asshole Bobby Bianchi in the face himself. Anger and revulsion ran through him as he read the research that Carmen found. Bianchi was a piece of shit punk who never took responsibility for anything. Multiple arrests for drunken disorderly. Several arrests for assault and it was always the other guy’s fault. The murder he’s currently serving time for, he claimed that the vic was trying to hustle him in a game of pool. There were no other witnesses to corronorate his story. He could only imagine what invisible indiscretion Sonny committed to force him to throw Sonny through a plate glass window when they were just kids.

Rafael runs a hand down the small of Sonny’s back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Not something I’m really proud of, Raf.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were just a kid.” Rafael presses. He stops himself before he says anything about Bianchi being so much bigger than Sonny was when they were kids. Carmen is a great researcher and was able to dig up some pictures of Bianchi when he was younger. For too long, Rafael stared at the pictures of Bianchi and mentally recalling the pictures he’s seen of a much younger Sonny. Bianchi only had an inch maybe two on Sonny, but he had a good twenty or thirty pounds on him. Bianchi was stocky and built like a linebacker, Sonny was all gangly arms and legs. Sonny didn’t stand a chance.

“I should have said something,” Sonny says as he tries to burrow himself even further into Rafael’s neck.

Rafael doesn’t know what to say to that. Hindsight is a bitch. They all second guess themselves on what they should have done, should have said. There’s nothing that he can say to alleviate the guilt Sonny’s feeling.

“You can’t keep thinking about what you should have done. Nothing is going to change the past.”

“Thanks, Raf. That helps.”

Rafael playfully pinches Sonny’s wrist. “Let me finish.”

“Go ‘head,” Sonny mutters.

“As I was saying. You can’t live in the past thinking about what you should have done or should have said. That does no one any good. You’re only going to drive yourself crazy. Instead, let the events of the past help shape your present and future.”

Sonny looks up at him with heartbreakingly sad blue eyes. “How so?”

“Easy, you already did.”

“What? You’re not making any sense,” Sonny says as he tucks himself back into Rafael’s neck.

“Dios Mio. Sometimes I wonder how you passed the Bar. The stuff you dealt with when you were a kid…what Bobby Bianchi did to you, that shaped you into who you are now. The way you are with your cases. How you put your all into helping the victim. Everything you do. The man you are, the man I love.”

It’s quiet for several minutes as they lay on the couch. Sonny lie still as Rafael runs his hand through Sonny’s curls. Rafael thinks the other man may have fallen asleep so he’ s surprised when Sonny speaks. “ I think I get what you mean.”

Rafael rolls his eyes and in a poor imitation of a Staten Island accent, he mimics “I think I get what you mean.”

Sonny lets out a small laugh. “Shut up, I don’t sound like that.”

“I beg to differ. Especially when you’re drunk. I can barely understand you. Is what you say even English?”

Sonny lifts his head up and gives him a half-hearted glare. The soft eyes are not as sad as they were earlier. “Thanks, Rafi.” Sonny’s fidgets with Rafael’s tie again. “Sometimes I get stuck in my head and I need to be reminded how to make it back to the now.”

Rafael traces his thumb over Sonny’s cheek. “That’s what I’m here for. You do the same for me. More time than I can count.”

“I love you, Rafi.” Sonny leans in and kisses Rafael softly on the lips, so unlike the chaste kiss they shared this morning. 

They all too soon break part from the kiss and Sonny once again settles against him, absently running his hand down Rafael’s side and turning his attention to the television.

Sonny’s laugh. The kiss. Sonny saying I love you. His Sonny is coming back. He may have lost Carmen for the day as she researched not only Bobby Bianchi, but also how to overcome childhood trauma, but it was worth it. Even if it cost him $200 and No Carmen for the next two Fridays.

“What do you think, Rafi?”

He kisses Sonny on the forehead bringing his attention back to the present. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I asked if you would ever drink raw milk?”

“What?” Rafael asks. “No way in hell.”

Rafael is quiet as Sonny goes on about the potential benefits of raw milk, Sonny’s familiar voice calming his nerves for the first time all day. Everything is going to be okay.


End file.
